Monday, May 4, 2009


I always enjoyed watching, The Magic School Bus, as I was growing up. Ms. Frizzle's motto of, "taking chances, making mistakes, and getting messy," has been something I put into practice time and time again. In my exploits throughout life, I have learned a lot. Accordingly, I have had my fair share of burns.

Often times I have been at odds with myself. I want to go through many different experiences, but I have grown so tired of paying the price for it. The problem is I know for a fact that there is no reward with zero risk. I can't simply get what I want without consequences.

Relationships with people are definitely the riskiest, but they tend to lead to the most significant rewards. From my experiences with the most intimate kinds of relationships, I've been abandoned, used, abused, tormented, disregarded, dismissed, and have had one case of an abortion.

As such, I liked to have thought that I had been through enough and that gave me enough justification to stop believing in people. Admittedly, what I have been through has been pretty rough, and I wouldn't readily wish it on anyone. However to stop believing would be too easy. Yes, even at times I need to put things in perspective. My own life is still not far from the start line, and I am absolutely in store for future challenges and experiences. There is no easy way out, no matter which way I look at it. No matter which path I take, I'm going to run into something.

So as such, it only feels fair and rational to re-instill some sense of belief that there is an end reward to a seemingly endless supply of hardship. Of course, that's all easier said than done. It's one thing to come to terms with the concept, but unless I put it into practice in my heart, I won't be able to move forward.

I need to challenge myself to have faith once again, and have the resolve to maintain that faith even when people fail me. Let's face it; people aren't perfect, and I can't understand the complete inner workings of one person, let alone everyone. It is unrealistic to believe I'll go through a perfect scenario. I've built up a strong resolve for different scenarios, but I still have ways to go when it comes to a resolve for the important things in life.

It'll be a difficult process, and I'm sure to fall a couple times along the way (read: several), but if I want to get something out of it, I'll keep at it. Maybe I'll surprise myself along the way.

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